The ‘local government officer’ (LGO) and I continued for a while as described in The Buttered Bun post. One day he found an article by Karin Jones about her increased sexual desire at a certain age and how this affected her: she wanted lots of sex and no commitment. In another article she made reference to the ‘Sex Surge’, a term coined by Joanna Meriwether (joannameriwether.com) and when I read it, well, it was a revelation! At last someone understood what I’d been going through all these months; it was as though I’d written the articles myself! I highly recommend this website if you are a woman experiencing an increased sex drive in mid-life.
After we removed our wedding rings the LGO and I held a ceremony with our new silver rings where we pledged our commitment to each other in freedom, placing the rings on our sygnet ring finger rather than the traditional western wedding ring finger, to signify our availability to others. But soon afterwards the LGO’s new ring snapped – undoubtedly a bad omen.
In the beginning of our open marriage, I was in theory at least, open to the possibility of sex with any new partner but as I became more involved with ‘her lover’ and my feelings for him grew, I found myself wanting only him. It became increasingly difficult to ignore my intense emotions and whilst the creation of Spotify playlists and poems helped me focus these, I found myself acting like a crazed teenager: elated whenever I saw him, full of anticipation when I was due to see him, madly excited after I’d seen him and making every excuse to talk about him with my husband, just to hear his name and relive our times together. Whilst the LGO was patient with me, I guess it was only a matter of time before the cracks started to show. Despite our open marriage, he was not yet involved with anyone and the place he held in my heart was changing so that we found ourselves arguing often about how to manage our own relationship.
My husband didn’t say it at the time but later told me the fact that I glowed when I spoke about my lover was really difficult for him to handle and he felt his place was being usurped as the central person in my heart. One day when he and I were together and he tried to kiss me, I could only kiss him in pecks rather than with any passion. It was then that I realised he smelt wrong to me which was difficult to take due to the importance of smell to me. This moment was really the beginning of the end of our marriage….
Love & light